Ending a relationship is never easy. Initiating a breakup takes courage. No matter how unhappy both parties become in the relationship, it's not an easy task to walk away from a timeline of memories. It's even more challenging for the recipient of that breakup. They will need time to process their loss and effectively channel emotions including heartbreak and rejection. It's common for women to become paralyzed in this process and trigger negative behaviors. These triggers may also surface during the onset of a relationship in trouble.
The Seven Breakup Triggers to Avoid:
• The Pleaser: She will go out of her way to accommodate his needs to please him. She chooses his happiness before hers and others. She literally puts her own life on hold and will drop everything to be with him. She will fulfill his random booty-calls to prove her love to him.
• The Mother-doer: Performs acts of services to win his love. This includes paying his expenses, cleaning his home, preparing his meals, running his errands, and creating/seeking employment opportunities for him to pursue.
• The Butterfly: Transforms her outer appearance to seduce him. She obsesses over her looks to become more desirable. She believes if she becomes more attractive; prettier, thinner, and sexier she will become irresistible.
• The Attention Seeker: Periodically posting status updates and photos on social networks to attract his attention. Though he has already deleted her from his Facebook account (and for good reason), she sets her profile to public hoping he secretly trolls her wall. For assurance that he sees her every move and seductive photos, she will ask friends to post her photos on their wall for his viewing.
• The Scorned: She is heartbroken and feels rejected (scary combo). She will become passive aggressive and vindictive. Though she secretly still loves him and will do ANYTHING to win his love back, she will attack his character and the relationship to seek validation from others.
• The Messenger: Communicates impulsively and relentlessly via text and email to stay connected. She will create any reason to stay in communication. With each correspondence she sends, she is hoping and praying he will respond and they reconcile. This is a perpetual cycle. The more messages she sends him, the more annoyed he becomes and ignores her pleas.
• The Stalker: Pursues any means to gain knowledge of his whereabouts and with whom. She will stalk his social media accounts (and his friends), drive by his home, work, and establishments he frequents, hoping to get a glimpse of his life.
Breaking up with Dignity
begins with having a healthy and positive perspective about oneself and the relationship. When a man ends a relationship, it's common for some women to experience rejection. Insecurities may begin to surface; I'm not good enough, or what does she have that I don't? They create a sense of urgency to win his love. The harder they push to receive his love, the further they push him away. When these insecurities consume every day thoughts they often become an obsession. Women lose their dignity when they obsess over negative thoughts. They begin to diminish their self-worth, and compromise their principles. This process is unattractive and pushes all (healthy) men away.
So how does one move forward with Dignity? First step in moving forward is to forgive the relationship; that includes you and your ex. This may seem impossible for some relationship circumstances, but to move forward, and with Dignity, forgiveness is the only option. This process will eliminate the need to seek closure and validation. Except the relationship is really over and avoid any thoughts of reconciling, as it will only delay the healing process. Validate to yourself (no one else) that you did the best to your ability (at the time) to make that relationship work.
Reality check or lesson learned. It's important to acknowledge why the relationship ended. As painful as the truth may be, reject any thoughts of denial. This is an opportunity for you to experience growth. Most importantly in the healing process, and the key component in Breaking up with Dignity, is to FOCUS on you.
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